


something in the way you look at me

by fallenhurricane



Series: Malec Playlist [8]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Mundane Alec Lightwood, Mundane Magnus Bane, Mundane everyone, past alec lightwood/andrew underhill, uhmmmmm idk what this is i apologize
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:28:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24497944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenhurricane/pseuds/fallenhurricane
Summary: Even though so many of Magnus’s texts (clean texts, too, not innuendos or dirty talk or anything -- just kind, friendly texts) had Alec blushing, Alec couldn’t wait to see him again. He was positive he would make a fool of himself, that’s just how he operated, but regardless, he wanted to see Magnus again. That brief time in the bookstore had not been enough. Not enough to get to know each other, obviously, and not nearly enough to appreciate Magnus’s carefully styled hair, inimitable style, and easy grace.So Alec asked him out.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Malec Playlist [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757935
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	something in the way you look at me

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhhhhhhhhh I don't know what this is but I hope you like it!

I don't know how or why  
I feel different in your eyes

-Christian Bautista, "Missing Piece"

It wasn’t like Alec had a bad childhood. 

He was safe; he never questioned where his next meal would come from, or whether he would have a bed to sleep in at night. His parents provided him with toys and three siblings and every opportunity he could ask for, like guitar lessons, carpools to swim practice, and a laptop when he went away to college. Even his adopted brother, Jace, couldn’t say the same about all of these things until the Lightwood family took him in at age ten. It’s not like Alec had any misconceptions about how lucky and privileged he was. 

But he did sometimes feel like something was missing. He just didn’t know what. 

*

Alec was 20 when he met Magnus. 

The campus bookstore was crowded; it made sense, it was two days before classes started and students were piling in to buy necessary texts. Alec was working the register, a bit tired due to the early start to his shift, and had just handed change back to a nice blonde girl when a man stepped forward. He was just a few inches shorter than Alec’s impressive 6’3” and dressed to kill in a silky-looking deep red button down shirt and tight black pants. Necklaces draped across his neck and hid under his collar and he placed two large history books on the counter. Alec saw painted nails and various rings glinting under the fluorescent lights above them. He scanned the books’ barcodes with a gulp. 

“Buying or renting?” he managed, chancing a glance at the man and immediately regretting it. His face burned as deep brown eyes lined in kohl stare back at him, a smirk playing on the man’s lips. 

“Renting.”

“That’s 145 dollars.” He pulled his wallet from his back pocket and handed him a credit card. After completing the transaction, the other man signing a receipt, Alec handed him his books, ignoring the way their fingers brushed. “Good luck,” he said. 

The other man’s eyes crinkled in a smile. “You, too.”

Alec tried to be subtle as he watched him walk away, his hips swaying this way and that with his books clutched in his arms, but when he looked towards the next customer in front of him he found her staring with raised eyebrows. Oops. 

Smiling sheepishly, he quickly grabbed the man’s receipt to put away when he noticed something -- on the bottom, written in curvy script, was _Magnus_ followed by ten numbers -- and he could feel his face flushing as he quietly set it aside to deal with later. 

He grinned at the next customer in line. “Buying or renting?”

*

That night, as Izzy was cooking dinner (Alec told her she didn’t have to, and secretly he would’ve preferred if she didn’t, but she never listened), Alec stared at his phone. He had entered Magnus’s number at the end of his shift before putting the receipt back in its place, but he wasn’t sure what to do now. And he was realizing that whether he and Magnus talk at all is all in his control, and wasn’t that frightening? He’d never made the first move -- or, he guessed, _second_ move, since Magnus had given him his number after all -- especially not on a guy as attractive as Magnus. 

“Dinner’s ready!” Izzy’s voice echoed through their open kitchen and living area, startling Alec out of his thoughts. Before he could think about it any longer, he quickly tapped out **_Hey, it’s the cashier from the bookstore. I hope it’s alright that I’m texting_** and sent it to Magnus in the hopes that Izzy’s disaster of a dinner would distract him from waiting for a text back. 

It turned out not even Izzy could ruin Stouffer’s premade lasagna and a simple salad, and Alec’s phone vibrated in his pocket in the middle of the meal. 

*

Alec hadn’t come to the realization that he was gay all at once. It wasn’t like there was some earth-shattering moment where he suddenly just _knew_. It was more like he experienced a lot of little moments that added up to this inevitable realization. 

The one that stood out to him the most was the time he took the chance in 11th grade to audition for the school musical. It was completely unlike him, and to be completely honest, he only did it because Andrew Underhill _always_ auditioned and _always_ got a leading role. Andrew Underhill was cute. And he was the only openly gay student at Alicante High. 

But Alec pretended it was because of Lydia Branwell. 

Lydia was awesome. She had a graceful yet take-no-shit way about her. She was the class president and Alec was certain that she could kick his ass if she wanted to. They had been friends since 5th grade. And when he knew and could find the words, Lydia was the first person Alec told. 

Anyway, during one fateful rehearsal, Alec caught wind of a party being held that Friday night. He hadn’t been invited, but that was fine with him -- he wasn’t a big party guy. It was not fine with Lydia, who pleaded with him to come along, offering to let him copy her chemistry homework for the rest of the week. And of course Alec caved. (But he didn’t copy her homework. Much.)

The basement was dimly lit and walled with wood panelling, music pumping through an iPod hooked up to an old stereo. It was sweaty and gross as dozens of teens danced sloppily, some spilling out the sliding glass doors into the backyard and lounging around the pool. Soon, glass bottles of alcohol mixed with teenage hormones led a large crowd to play Spin the Bottle. As Lydia dragged Alec into the circle he was overwhelmed by the feeling that this was a scene in a the teen drama that was somebody’s life, and he was an extra. He sat cross-legged next to Lydia and giggled and watched the bottle spin round and round, classmates sharing awkward, inebriated kisses. The bottle had blessedly passed him every time until suddenly… it didn’t.

Alec’s eyes widened. The green-eyed girl across from him, the one who had spun the bottle, looked familiar but he couldn’t place her in his boozy fog. Maybe they had stats class together? She crawled across the large circle towards him, and he swallowed, tense. When she reached him, she paused, glancing from his eyes to his lips and back again, asking silently for permission. The other students cheered. So Alec leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. 

And he felt nothing. 

It was a perfectly decent kiss, but Alec found his thoughts wandering even in the few seconds their lips were connected. She tasted like vodka punch mixed with a fruity lip gloss, and their lips slid together, and Alec felt nothing except confusion at how he was analyzing this whole event so factually. 

It wasn’t how he thought his first kiss would be. 

They broke apart and Alec offered a small rueful smile. She pecked his cheek and backed into her spot in the circle. A few others took their turns and Alec sat silently, picking at the rubber of his Converse and wondering what it all meant. And that, of course, was when it was Underhill’s turn. 

Alec knew what was going to happen even before it did. Underhill took the bottle in his right hand and spun it and Alec watched, nearly boiling over with nerves, as it landed on him. 

Underhill’s eyes were questioning as he looked at Alec. The students around him were quiet, and Alec could hear someone suck in a quick breath. Nobody knew how Alec would react. Nobody knew that he had been waiting, wanting, to kiss Underhill for months. 

So when Alec nodded minutely and he and Underhill met in the middle of the circle, he paused only briefly before grabbing the back of Underhill’s neck and pulling him in. 

That was the moment it all came together for Alec. Every hint he’d felt -- how he couldn’t take his eyes off Underhill when he walked in the room; how, while Jace was preoccupied with Lara Croft, he was more interested in Nathan Drake; how his stomach churned every time his parents tried to reassure him that one day he would settle down with a “nice girl” -- combined and formed a cohesive thought in his head, one that maybe he’d known before but had been too afraid to really consciously consider. He was gay. 

He was gay, and he figured it out mid-kiss with Andrew Underhill in a classmate’s dingy basement. 

*

At the time, Alec thought that knowing that he was gay might be the thing he had been missing. He thought that, since he’d figured it out, the missing puzzle piece might appear and slide into place. But even once he’d come out -- once he’d told Lydia, who just smiled and hugged him; once he’d told Izzy and Jace and Max, who reacted as kindly as he had known they would; once he’d told his parents, who didn’t disown him but didn’t want to talk about it, either; once he’d told Andrew, and asked him on a date, and kissed him in the Dairy Queen -- he still felt that hole. He was more himself than he had ever been, but he still didn’t feel complete.

*

 **_M: If I had a problem with you texting me, I wouldn’t have given you my number. ;)_ ** **  
****  
**Alec stared at the text. The boy from the bookstore -- Magnus -- had texted him back. With a _winky_ face. And his face had turned red just reading it. How embarrassing. 

Alec exhaled, thumbing a message back. He’s halfway through an introduction when another text comes through. 

**_M: I fear I’m at a disadvantage, though, seeing as how you know my name and I don’t know yours._ **

**_A: It’s Alec._ ** **_  
_** **_  
_** **_M: Hmm. Short for Alexander? A handsome name for a handsome man._ **

It, somehow, was easier from there. 

*

Even though so many of Magnus’s texts (clean texts, too, not innuendos or dirty talk or anything -- just kind, friendly texts) had Alec blushing, Alec couldn’t wait to see him again. He was positive he would make a fool of himself, that’s just how he operated, but regardless, he wanted to see Magnus again. That brief time in the bookstore had not been enough. Not enough to get to know each other, obviously, and not nearly enough to appreciate Magnus’s carefully styled hair, inimitable style, and easy grace. 

So Alec asked him out. 

He called him, this time, felt it would be more appropriate than a text, if a bit harder. When Magnus picked up, curious, Alec felt his heart beat like a hummingbird’s wings. 

“Oh, hello.” Magnus’s voice was teasing, happy. “To what do I owe the pleasure, Alexander?”

Alec swallowed, willing his nerves to go away, and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “Do you… would you like to meet up for coffee, sometime?” He winced at the way his voice cracked. 

Magnus hummed. Alec smiled at the sound, even as his nerves raced. “Is it a date?”

“Preferably,” Alec all but stuttered.

“Then yes, I think I would.”

*

The coffee shop near campus was small and nearly empty, odd considering classes had started and it was usually a prime studying spot. Alec waited, sitting at a table in the corner, eyes on the door. When Magnus walked in, he couldn’t help but stare. Magnus was wearing blue skinny jeans and a thin burgundy sweater. He had on the same layering of necklaces and rings he did on the bookstore, his hair was swept back in a sort of faux-hawk, and his eyeliner was dark and intense. He was absolutely beautiful. And when he saw Alec, his face lit up.

As they sat and talked, laughing about anecdotes from class and how they’d chosen their majors, Magnus scooted a little closer and put his hand atop Alec’s. It was warm and soft and felt right. The butterflies in Alec's stomach settled. 

And he felt something, some missing piece, some part of a puzzle, fall into place.

  
  



End file.
